I seriously thought about withdrawing from the program this week. I'm tired of classes that meander and assigned readings from books that are filled with typos, $100 for two books that show NO sign of having been proofread. I'm tired of labs where the instruction is all verbal. How can you teach any computer skill or concept verbally? The Socratic method works for philosophy, but we're not even engaging in a question and discuss approach. It's a 'listen to me tell you about what you need to know for an hour" approach. I'm tired of assignments that are tested on us. I used to assign projects to my students that I hadn't attempted myself. When the questions started pouring in I would realize that I had given them an assignment beyond most of their skill sets. It should be outlawed for all teachers to assign tasks that they themselves have not completed. How else will you know what exactly your students are being asked to do? I'm tired of this awful, gnawing feeling of embarassment each time I want to ask a question but feel it's such a basic question that I'll stand out as someone who doesn't belong. Everyone belongs in our prg. because it's a hodge-podge of people with many skills and backgrounds. The prg. changes every semester with new profs. teaching the core classes. One even said that he's trying to fit two courses into one and realizing that you can't do that.
I spent four hours the other night trying to understand Vectors in Java. FOUR HOURS! Not a step closer to completing my assignment of creating a screensaver. If I had spent four hours studying Spanish or the Spanish Civil War, I'd be able to at least say a few sentences in Spanish or tell you the cause and effect of the war. That type of learning is linear and builds on learning constructs I've used my whole life: incrementing my vocabulary, names, dates, overarching concepts. With Java, you use all of those things but it still a very different way of thinking. Paradigm shifts are never easy.
I started to think of transferring or withdrawing and finding a teaching job. Why be miserable for three more months? I've got to figure out how to get something out of this semester.